Lord give me strength.

I come to you as a very tired man. A very, very tired man who feels like he has been awake for 48-hours straight. Delirium may set in soon...perhaps it already has.

As joyous as it is to have Tobi Knish at home, the emotional, mental, and physical toll it is already taking is seemingly overwhelming the joy. Case in point: Last night.

After a very arduous day that included a 2 1/2 meeting during which my mental capabilities were thoroughly tested, I left the office and headed to package some orders for shipment today. Then, I went home and walked Matza, processed a few customer payments & answered emails and then headed over to Artis' to care for Tobi at about 7 pm. Fortunately, he had beat me home so I didn't have to walk her. Instead, he was sitting in bed playing on his laptop and watching TV while Tobi stayed in her crate close by. (He didn't want her to have to sit by herself while he chilled downstairs.) So, I did what any sane person in a fragile state would--I collapsed on the bed. And then I got up and held Tobi for a while. And then I mixed peanut butter into Tobi's food in hopes it would make her want to eat. It seemed to work.

I then attempted to work; I put forth valiant effort, in fact. But, it was not to be. Instead, I let Artis persuade me (and I put up ever so strong of a fight, of course) to watch a movie. We started "Shawshank Redemption", which I'm pretty sure I've seen before but I can't remember. We got about an hour into it and it was time for Tobi's pain meds and a trip outside. So, I took her outside and was so happy she finally did all of her business! (It's the little things...)

I got her back inside and got her settled, listening to her screams before her front pain-free paws had even touched the carpet. Dinner for me was not to be. Eventually, I decided that the girls and I would watch TV together. I fell asleep on the couch, waking up to Tobi's screams because I had moved and her right rear paw had touched the back of the couch. (It's the leg that's the most sensitive right now.) So, I took her up and got her into bed...screams and all...and went back out myself. A couple of hours later I was wide awake listening to her whimper. Then, I was awakened again by her repeated cries. I thought it was 6:30 a.m. It was 3:20. This continued on throughout the night, with Artis giving her the next dose of pain meds at 6:15. She screamed (and tried to bite me again) when I took her outside, screamed when I brought her back inside, and at 8 am I thanked the Lord it was time for me to leave the house to go back to my apartment to get ready to go to work.

Just a few hours of good, quality sleep would be nice at this point. I don't see that happening in the near future. Meanwhile, I have a call in to the surgical tech so I can further discuss her pain meds and the fact she's no longer attempting to put any weight on that rear right paw. She had started to make progress and now doesn't seem to be. I'm concerned about her rehab. If she were a human, she'd have a structured rehab program & I feel like she probably needs the same if she is to truly make a full recovery. I tried calling a rehab center for dogs, but the phone number online is incorrect. That sucks.

At this point though, sadly, I think to myself, "What's a few more hundred dollars? It's just a drop in the bucket of expense called 'Tobi'." Even if she doesn't get into a fully structured program (that includes warm water hydrotherapy), I do need some guidance on this. And, I need to discuss the pain management with the vet hospital, so I hope they call me back soon. It's one thing to give her IV meds when she's staying in a cage all day with very little activity or human contact; it's a whole other thing to send her home where she's going to be on oral meds & taken outside more frequently to avoid the whole pee pad situation. (Plus, she can't be bathed for a while, so that would be a total nightmare.)

I do know one thing though--I CANNOT handle eight weeks of this if every day is going to be like these first two have been. Even a week of it is too much for me. Speaking of weeks, it was exactly one week ago this morning that the whole horrible situation began. How time flies. Well, in this case drags miserably.

Lord, give me strength.