I wish I had something witty or remotely happy to write about, but I don't. Instead, I'll write about yesterday--which is the day the living nightmare began for us.
The day started off normal. I had fallen asleep at Artis', so I was heading home with the girls so I could get ready for work and head back out. I always take a back route to avoid major roads; along this route there's a three-way stop in a nice quiet residential area. I was approaching the stop sign, slowing down and going about 15-20 mph. Tobi and Matza were in their booster seat in the backseat of Klaus, with Matza hanging her head out the window and Tobi doing her usual sit-and-stare thing. I was looking forward when I heard a thump against the side of the car by Tobi & Matza. I looked in the side mirror to make sure they both were OK and all I saw was Matza. Right when I realized Tobi had fallen out of the window, her restraint's buckle broke and she went under the rear wheel. I can't even describe how sickening that feeling was. It all happened so fast but in my head it's like a movie in slow motion. Painfully slow motion at that. In my head I have enough time to slam on the brakes before the buckle broke, run around the car, and get her back in her seat. But, the reality is that it wasn't at all like that or that easy.
I immediately threw the car into park, jumped out, and ran for the back of the car just praying she was still alive. I kept thinking, "Oh please oh please oh please just let it be her leg I ran over." I wouldn't have been excited about a broken-legged Tobi, but if anything had to be ran over it would be the least traumatic & seemingly the easiest to fix. Tobi was laying on the ground, screaming as only Tobi can, with this terrified look in her eyes as I ran towards her. There was a car behind me--a white Mazda--and he had seen it all happen. I picked her up as gently as I could, trying to hold her close to me, but she kept pulling her head back. As she did, she bit down onto my right hand, which had been supporting her head. She was so scared and so hurt & I am just sure she was trying to figure out where all this pain was coming from, so she went after the only thing she could--me. I pulled my hand back and I recall thinking about how amazingly strong her grip was. It felt like all of her teeth had sunken in a good inch on both sides of my hand. I got my hand back and she bit it again right as I did. I kept saying, "Tobi it's going to be OK...ouch! Tobi please don't bite...it'll be OK baby...OUCH! Tobi please stop..." And, as much as it hurt, I was in such shock that I was oblivious to just what damage she had done.
The guy in the white car pulled up and said, "You just ran over your dog. She's really hurt & you need to get her help." Really? I hadn't thought of that. I said, "What part of her went under the wheel? Was it just her leg?" He said, "I don't know but she's really hurt. You hurt her a lot." I said, "You don't know what part of her was ran over?" And with that he drove off. The way he said it was so rude--as if I'd purposely put her under the wheel. He made me feel like the worst human being on earth. I just wanted to know from him what he saw so that I could tell the vet what all got hit the worst. When I'd gotten to her, she was trying to stand up and wasn't putting weight on her right leg. I didn't realize at the time that I'd driven over the top of her entire lower half.
Even though it feels like I had a five minute conversation with the jerk, in reality it was more like 10-15 seconds from the time I jumped out of the car to the time when I had Tobi in the front seat. She was so terrified. I put my hand on her to keep her stable and I floored it from there. My mind was everywhere at that point. I called my boss and left a message to let her know I wouldn't be in. I don't recall what I said, but I do know it had to have sounded ridiculous because I couldn't focus. I then called Artis, who was just leaving the doctor's office after some testing. I said, "Where are you at?" He said, "Getting into an elevator. What's wrong?" I said, "I was driving. And then Tobi fell out and her buckle broke...and I drove over the top of her and she's hurt and scared." I was completely in tears and trying to not totally lose it at that point, but it was so hard not to. I don't even remember driving a stretch of the road, but I remember where I was when I was talking to him because he asked where I was and where I was going. I told him which animal hospital (the closest one I could think of, even though we'd never been there; I just knew she needed help fast) and he said he'd meet me there. I turned on my hazards and drove 70 mph down the street, got to the hospital quickly, and I got Tobi inside. (Matza was still with me too and in the seat.)
I ran in looking all sorts of wonderful--I'd not showered, my hair was standing straight up, my hand was covered in blood, I was in total shock, and Tobi was a mess. They took her from me, got as much info as they could to get going, and then I went and got Matza. I brought her in and held her while they evaluated Tobi. Artis showed up and they brought him to the exam room. As soon as he walked in, Tobi started wagging her little nubby tail (it was docked before I got her and while I wouldn't have done that, I still think it's cute on her). That was the first time I felt like it'd be OK. It was also the last time for quite a while that I felt like it'd be OK. The doctor took Tobi and did a bunch of scans on her, but told me I had to go to Urgent Care to get my hand taken care of. I could've cared less. I said I'd wash the blood off and wrap it in a towel and it'd be fine, but she said that I'd best help Tobi by taking care of myself too.
So, I took Matza home, cleaned myself up, and went to Urgent Care while they got Tobi stabilized. It took forever at Urgent Care. I kept asking how much longer and they said just a few minutes. "Just a few minutes" turned into 45 minutes in which I could've been taking Tobi from the vet to the triage hospital, where they were going to have to do surgery. I texted Artis to see if he'd just write me a prescription for a basic antibiotic so that I didn't have to wait any longer. I figured that's all they'd do since Tobi's up-to-date on her shots, I'm current on my tetanus shot, and the wounds were not that bad. Plus, they don't typically stitch dog bites even if they are bad. Right as Artis wrote back and said he would, Tobi's vet called to see where I was and so I stepped out of the room to talk to her. Of course it was right then that the nurse came to get me. I walked back into the waiting room and the other patients said I'd just been called. I said, "Of course I was. It figures." Fortunately, I didn't lose my place in line and they came back for me. I got in and out quickly, then went over to get Tobi.
I met with the vet for a few more minutes, paid the $450 bill, and got Tobi and her IV so I could take them over to the triage hospital. I had put one of her floor pillow beds in the front seat of Klaus and made a nest for her; the vet's covered her in blankets and pillows to provide more stability and cushioning for her. It basically looked like a giant pile of bedding with a Tobi head sticking out of it. I put my hand over by her and she cuddled against it, licked it a couple of times, and then took a little nap (or tried to) while I drove. It didn't take long to get to the triage center and they were expecting us. So, they had a nurse at the front door to open the door, another nurse with a walkie talkie who paged the triage team when I ran through the door, and five triage team members who came running and got her from me. The receptionist called me over, told me it would be OK, and then had me do some slow breathing with her.
The one thing I must say is that I could not be more impressed with the kindness of all of these professionals through all of this. From the unknown vet's office to the strangers at the triage center, every single person was so kind and helpful.
They assessed Tobi for a while, put me in an exam room to wait, and then eventually came to give me an update. The vet had told me most of what they said, so it wasn't too big of a shock. The fortunate thing is that the vet originally thought her bladder may have gone outside her stomach because they couldn't see it in the initial scan (right before getting in the car, Tobi had peed, so her bladder was empty & that's why it didn't show), but at the triage center they didn't feel that was the case. The problem was that Tobi was too hurt to put the little ultrasound probe against her stomach, so they couldn't tell for sure.
Artis came and sat with me for a while, at which point we had to discuss whether or not to pay the $5-7K they were estimating the surgery would cost (the low estimate had to be paid in full up-front) or if it'd be best for her to be put to sleep. I told him I couldn't and wouldn't decide that. I'd sell my furniture and all that I own before I did that to Tobi. He said we needed to consider her quality of life post-surgery, so I called the surgeon back out and had a talk with him. Artis had to get back to see patients, so he left before the surgeon came back. I asked all that I needed to, they told me she'd most likely make a full recovery, and that was all I needed to know. I paid and then left.
They put her in the ICU shortly after I left because she'd started to go back into shock and her heart rate was dropping. The good thing about her going into the ICU was that visitation was actually easier than if she'd been put in the intermediate care. It was quite bizarre, but whatev. I went home, completely lost it all over again, cuddled with Matza, and then Artis & I had dinner while waiting for visiting hours. The orthopedic surgeon called to give us the final details of what they proposed and it all sounded quite positive.
We went and visited her and it was so tough. I thought it'd make me feel better to see her, but it didn't. Artis couldn't handle seeing her like that and in those conditions, so he had to leave the room and wait in the lobby. I talked with her, petted her, and kept my head close to hers so she'd stay calm. The second I didn't, she'd start to cry. I finally couldn't take it any more myself and so I gave her some love and left.
She remained stable through the night and they were supposed to call me before she went into surgery this afternoon. They never did call, so at 4:30 I called to see what the deal was. They said she'd just come out of surgery and was in recovery. The receptionist said they'd call me soon with details. They still haven't called and it's now 6:30, so I just tried them again. The receptionist said she'd make sure they called me soon. I hope they do.
Last night Artis and I talked about how it felt like a nightmare that you can't seem to wake from. It felt like a surreal nightmare until about noon today. Then reality started to sink in that this is really happening. I hardly slept last night, I've been at the point today where I feel like vomiting when I think about it all, and I could not feel worse about the whole thing. Coming back into the house with Tobi's empty collar, walking Matza by herself, only being greeted by one dog when I got home from work, and not being able to tell Tobi that we're not barking and instead we're just being quiet has made my life feel completely void. Poor Matza gets to put up with me constantly cuddling with her and carrying her everywhere and I know she can't wait for Sister to get home.
Tobi will be in the hospital for at least five days and then mostly immobile and resting for 8 weeks. After that, she can start resuming some normal activities and we should be OK from there. It's just getting to that point that's tough. But, she did survive a Volkswagen going over the top of her and she's only 8 lbs., so I daresay she's a good fighter and will be OK in the long run. It's me that looks to be the long-term mess...
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