As a typical rule, I am not a huge fan of cupcakes. I would rather have a cake. Why? Because there's more of it to eat. (Unless you are referring to a mini bundt cake. In those cases a cupcake may actually contain more substantive sweet content than said cake. On the flip side, "mini" and "cake" do not belong in the same sentence.) And, I don't like edge pieces, which is essentially what a cupcake is all the way around. I like soft and gooey center pieces. (While that reminds me of the current state of my mid-section, the soft and gooey center piece of a cake is MUCH more appealing.) At any rate, a cupcake connoisseur I am not. But that is not the case with Artis.
As sad as it is to admit, we have traveled 30 miles each way just to go to a cupcake shop for one single cupcake, simply because Artis had a craving. (Sadly, this has not been a singular event. However, the first time we did that it was also a great excuse to break in the Porsche convertible. Nothing like wind blowing through your hair and frosting flying into your face to make for a perfect summer evening...) In fact, Artis would eat cupcakes every meal of every day if he could. And not just any cupcake...vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting. I describe that as "boring". But, as one who is not a fan of chocolate, vanilla suits him best. By the way, don't even get me started on his non-love of chocolate. Let's just say that an otherwise-fantastic relationship has almost come to an abrupt end on more than one occasion because of his expressed disdain for the blessed food I so cherish...nay, worship...however, being the good Christian I am, I forgive him and allow him back into the fold/relationship each time. (But only after he bribes me with promises of Godiva.) Alas, I digress so as to get back to the subject at hand...imposter cakes.
About two months ago, Groupon had a special for a half-dozen cupcakes with free delivery from a local baker. (I say "baker" as opposed to "bakery", as I do believe the woman operates her baking operations from her own kitchen & I call that "kitchen" not "bakery".) It was a great opportunity to surprise Artis with a little gift. So, I ordered a couple of the gift certificates and used one to send him some cupcakes at work, retaining the other for use at a later time. (i.e., for me) My gift note read something like "Happy day, Honey Bunches! Love, me" I knew that Artis would know exactly who sent it, while still keeping his personal life private from his staff. (He's big on that whole separation of work and personal life thing. Therefore, one can imagine my horror upon discovering that the co-worker he most affectionately discusses at home did not, in fact, know he's gay & yet I had invited said individual and her husband to his surprise birthday party last year. There was an emergency conference call with his brothers over that one, which started with me saying, "Boys, what the hell have I done?! He'll kill me." Gratefully, it all worked out splendidly in the end and we now hang out with this other doctor & her glorious husband.) Again, I digress...
So, Artis got the incognito cupcake delivery & I immediately got a text thanking me for sending them, in which he also exclaimed that they were the best cupcakes he's ever had. Surely, I thought, he's just being kind so that I won't think he's ungrateful. However, once I got home I realized he wasn't being kind...he'd eaten all but two of the six cupcakes in a matter of a couple of hours. On my drive home I'd had a phone conversation with him, in which I'd requested he save me at least a bite of these bits of gold with frosting. (He swore that each cupcake had at least one pound of butter in it. I suggested that logistically it would make more sense to assume the cupcakes were made with crack, rather than a pound of butter, in order to make them so addictive and yet small in nature. He relentlessly stood by his bulk butter claim.) He told me I'd need more than a bite & even offered up an entire cupcake to me. As previously stated, I'm not a cupcake fan, so I didn't think I'd really want more than a bite. And then I took that bite... I apologized later for eating 1/6th of the gift I'd sent him, but I just couldn't help myself. They were actually THAT good! So, it stands to reason that when it came time to decide upon his birthday dessert (his birthday is this coming Saturday), I would go the vanilla cupcake route...despite it being against my nature & all that is good and holy.
I managed to convince myself that I could make a superior cupcake, so I set out to find the perfect recipe. Have you ever tried to seek out the perfect cupcake recipe? Everyone seems to claim theirs is "the one". This did not help my cause. Eventually I decided upon a vanilla bean cupcake and was going to make salted caramel buttercream frosting. While tasty sounding, I just prayed the recipe would turn out to be correct, as there would be no time for a trial run. In entertaining, one of the rules of thumb is that you never use your guests as guinea pigs--particularly if it's the main dish being served. But, I was ready to throw caution to the wind (heck, I did it with the orange mustard lil' smokies we served at our Christmas party, and to much success at that) and even went so far as to buy a pastry bag and tips so that I could do more than just glob the frosting on with a butter knife. (Note: I have never used a pastry bag. That is how dedicated I was to making this venture a success.)
Along the way, I got another brilliant idea to incorporate (that I can't divulge here yet; I don't know that Artis will read this, but in case he does I don't want to ruin my surprise) and that sealed the plans to do the cupcakes. And then a funny thing happened...I got busy. I mean busier than normal. MUCH busier than normal. So, I scrapped all plans to be Marty Stewart (a clever nickname assigned to me by a coworker) and reverted back to ordering from the baker that produced those delicious crack-infused cupcakes. (I was also quite relieved when Artis said he'd rather go out than stay in for his birthday dinner, thus saving me from cooking an outlandish meal for 12 people. He's so good to me.)
All was lining up nicely...and then I came across this blog tonight during a moment of non-motivation (similar to the one I'm having now)-- http://mingmakescupcakes.yolasite.com/
Do most of those recipes/pictures not look incredible?! And easy?! It has me questioning my plans all over again & I'm all sorts of ready to crank up the Kitchenaid and break out the cupcake tins right this very second. (Granted, despite his dedication to the cupcake--he's requested we go out to get some three times in the last three days alone--Artis would probably murder me for waking him up, as his love for rest actually does outweigh his love for cupcakes. But only slightly.)
So now I face a quandary. Despite my schedule these next few days not easing up, do I still attempt to be the wonderful boyfriend & make a unique cupcake for him as an expression of love...or do I stick by the easier and safer route, keeping my order for the drug-laced cupcakes I know he'll love? Part of me feels guilt for leaning towards the latter option...but then I'm reminded of the fact that the ingenious custom birthday gift I got him cost what some would pay for a car payment in a given month. And my guilt is slightly lessened by this reminder. Does that make me a shallow and horrible person? I hope not. Perhaps I need to go on a cupcake run/eating binge to assuage my guilt...
No comments:
Post a Comment