I am back. And in better shape than my favorite crackwhore.

Greetings, gentle readers! (OK, so that's giving myself far too much credit. Make that "reader" in the singular form. Gracious, I may as well just address this as "Dear Mom,"...)

Don't ask me why, but for the last two weeks it's been gnawing at me that I need to start blogging again. Not that it's ever read or is even that interesting...or that it was even missed for the last 1 1/2 years since I last wrote...but it is a good outlet to release all of these random thoughts and ideas that cross my brain in a given day. And there are plenty.

I should preface today's thoughts by saying that my most productively genius moments actually occur while I'm in the shower. Odd, I know, but for some reason that's when I can solve most of the dilemmas in my life...and I must say that I've come up with some pretty darn tootin' good ideas while wearing nothing but some shampoo and a smile on my face! (Interesting side note: I also tend to solve problems in my dreams & then wake up thinking about it, apply what I dreamt, and it usually fixes whatever has been taxing my ever-fragile brain for far too long.) Yes, I have indeed been known to take multiple showers in a day not only because I have this OCD need to be clean, but because I'll have a need for something to be solved.

And then there are other shower times that result in absolutely nothing but a random ride on the roller coaster through my brain. Sometimes that roller coaster derails entirely. And the cart falls off the track & smashes into the ground. And the airbags do not deploy. Enter today's wreck/subject: my favorite crackwhore, Whitney Houston.

It's a long, convoluted story, but in short--I was showering and thinking about my friend Greg's recent blog posting, which reminded me of a similar posting of mine in which Friend Cammie Jan commented in reply to what I said and quoted a Whitney Houston song in the process. That's where the cart left the track and started on the downhill race towards asphalt.

So, Miss Whitney. I've always loved her and was saddened when there were no more wonderful albums being released...and even more saddened (read: disgusted) when I watched her and Bobby Brown on their [gratefully] short-lived reality show. The scene that stands out most to me--of all the wasted hours spent watching...which was, embarrassingly enough, many--is one that involves Mr. and Mrs. Brown, a toilet, and Whitney requesting Bobby's help in handling something. Literally HANDling something. I'll leave it at that before I vomit. Anyway, I figured then that her career and future were in the crapper, so to speak. Needless to say, I was quite surprised to hear that she was planning a comeback. And I was hopeful. Yes, friend, I was ever-so-hopeful. Hopeful that "The Voice" was back and would produce songs that I could sing not only in the shower, but also belt out while driving, grocery shopping, getting my haircut, walking the dogs--heck, anywhere that I could share the joy of singing a Whitney Houston ballad. Sadly, it was not to be.

When Whitney was on Oprah I decided that she'd end up needing to have two comebacks. The first attempt, already in full swing at that point, wasn't going so well as was. Then, when she told Oprah she was no longer on drugs and was living the good life, I looked ahead to what is bound to be a future "Oprah" episode: "Whitney Lied". Apparently, I am not alone in thinking this:

http://www.showbizspy.com/article/192855/whitney-houston-lied-to-oprah.html

Her response was too odd. I just didn't buy it. So, in my envisioned future episode she'll tearfully admit to Oprah that she lied during her first visit, feels awful but thanks her fans for standing by her, and is now on the path to recovery after she does a short stint in rehab. (Let's just hope the second interview isn't also a two-episode saga like the first one.)

Aside from all of this, there's a small problem with her first attempt (and it's a feeble attempt, at best)--the woman can't sing anymore. To me, that's an issue here. I offer up, as evidence, this little piece of Hell (aka footage from a Whitney Houston concert in Australia)--

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_2HWA0zN_o

Is it just me or does she speak her songs now, rather than sing them? And, I don't think that looooooong pause before the "And iiii--eeeee--iiiiii" was all just for dramatic effect. I think some of it was just so that she had time to store up enough oxygen to get through the next part. Much like a bagpipe. But bless her heart for trying.

Anyway, while I do try to think the best about [most] people and hope for positive outcomes in [most] situations, I do not think it is to be for my favorite crackwhore. Not this time anyway. Perhaps after the second "Oprah" episode she'll be here to stay. Meanwhile, I need to go shower again; I can't stop thinking about that revolting reality show episode. And I feel dirty.

Until next time... (hopefully sooner, rather than later)

~me